Maternal mantra

So many things are out of my control and that can really get me down. There is a point, however, when so many things become so obviously uncontrollable that it pushes me to a point of revelation: I am not in control and that's that. Why fight it? What good does it do me other than make me more miserable? Of course, my revelation has been felt by many people, including Buddha and his followers to name a few. I guess the Christian philosophy has its own way of viewing this same conundrum in similar terms by the idea of "Let go. Let God." Either way, the act of letting go is amazingly restorative and often provides a perspective not otherwise available via an anxious mindset.

Although I have often found myself pondering events in my life in terms of what I can and cannot control, I find myself repeatedly returning to this question now that I'm a mom. Perhaps the fact that I have a tendency toward being a "Type A" personality has made parenting a challenge for me at times. From the most basic situation such as how many of my three kids has a dirty diaper to whether one of my sons needs a helmet, physical therapy, surgery, whatever. I often feel like I'm walking a high wire - I'm balancing what I can control with what I can't. I do my best to control the environment in such a way to lead to a more peaceful and orderly household. We have schedules and rules, discipline and consequences but I try to do it in a fashion that allows fun, creativity and spontaneity. Meanwhile, someone has a dirty diaper, another needs a bottle and the other is asking me the same question over and over and over and over.

In my best moments, I experience a peacefulness amid confined chaos. In the worst, I'm a raving lunatic who feels as if she's herding cats. When times get tough, though, I just need to remember to breathe deeply and repeat to myself, "it is what it is," and change that diaper, feed the baby, mop up the mess. . . and move on.