It's difficult to be thankful when you can't think straight. I've been suffering from crooked thinking the last few weeks. For those of you who read my posts, you'll notice it has been a while since I last wrote. I have had plenty to write about but, to be honest, things have been so unpleasant and exhausting that I was afraid to vent my feelings because I was concerned my friends and family might think I have lost my marbles. Ok, so I have but I'm at least on the ground looking for those little, round rascals and have found a few that have escaped me. Meanwhile, the air is chilling and the holidays are starting.
Thanksgiving has never been my favorite and I rarely get into the spirit of it but I felt the need this afternoon to actually welcome the true spirit of being thankful. The holiday provides an opportunity for us to pause and reflect, to take stock of what our life is right now in this very moment and to acknowledge the positive in our lives rather than dwell on what we're missing, wanting, yearning for. Of course, this is just an opportunity and many of us are so busy with life and our reactions to it that we barely have time to think about what to be thankful for. To sit and be thankful is an important exercise though because, if we don't do this occasionally, we run the risk of being bitter and negative and unpleasant. Such sad qualities, in my opinion, tend to discourage others from wanting to be near you. It blinds you from good opportunities and sucks the happiness out of life.
I used to resist the idea of Thanksgiving because of the history of the holiday and what it represented. I still don't like the historical aspect of it. Happy pilgrims, happy "Indians". It all seems simplistic and unreal to me. I've decided to ignore that though and embrace what I want it to be. I can't do anything about how our ancestors treated Native Americans but I can focus my attention on my family and friends and ponder how immensely blessed I am despite how hard life is and can be. It is hard. It is extremely hard but I have beautiful babies. I have a strong, amazing husband. My parents, my brother, sister-in-law, neice and nephew, my parents-in-laws and the rest of my husband's family, my extended family - they are all good people. Wonderful, sweet, smart, funny, creative, loving people and my gratitude for them flows through my veins and I wish them all the same, deep happiness that they bring me.
Although I can't promise that I won't get annoyed with how crazy my life is these days or that I won't look to the heavens and ask (no, scream), "what the hell, man?" at least in the deep recesses of my being I will still know that life is good even though it isn't always.
Sending my love to everyone. Happy Thanksgiving.
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Sunday, November 4, 2007
One year hurl-dle
Our house as been astir with birthday tidings as the twins had their first birthday. We were all swept up in the celebration of a hard year finished and the excitement of their darling, little lives. We partied. We celebrated. We joined with super friends and family and it was a good time. The boys were showered in sweet, generous gifts which are like gifts to Chris and I as well.
As we recovered from the excitement, family returned to their respective homes and friends returned to their lives, a little virus was lurking. During the party preparation, we made a few jokes about how we hoped that the twins wouldn't get sick during their first birthday party like poor Neil did on his. Perhaps it should have been a clue at Neil's party that he wasn't feeling well when he refused to eat the cake I had baked for him. (It had nothing to do with my cooking, of course.) After having enjoyed the majority of the party, the secret virus revealed itself as Neil hurled what food he had eaten that afternoon. At the twins' party, the contrast with Neil's was evident as both boys eagerly, and messily, gobbled up their birthday cake. (It had nothing to do with the fact that Chris made their cake.)
At last! We got to celebrate a first birthday party without barfing!
Little did we know though about the secret virus. Perhaps it was laughing at us as it spread throughout our family, waiting until our guard was down, before it revealed itself. It first showed up the night before my husband's parents returned home. My father-in-law became ill but we thought it was due to his normally healthy diet being disrupted by our less than nutritious fare. But then, Dylan threw up. We hoped it was a coincidence and that maybe it was due to the fact that we had just started introducing milk to his diet. But then, Evan threw up. Then Neil threw up. Then I threw up and then Chris threw up.
Barf was everywhere.
Everywhere.
We scrambled for towels, sheets, bed spreads, diapers, anything that would catch, wipe up or remove the barf. It would be cruel of me to provide details that no one would ever want to hear so I'll just allude to how disgusting it was - I saw semi-processed food that I never want to eat again as long as I live.
The washer and dryer ran all night as we barfed and cleaned and barfed and cleaned. It started on Wednesday. Today is Sunday and Chris is the last of us to be recovering from it. So desperate to prevent a relapse of this insipid and evil virus, I stooped to buying Lysol instead of making my own green concoction (which had been my goal for the next time I bought cleaning solution). Screw that! I want chemicals, I want the equivalent of a virus-killing nuclear bomb to go off in this house to eradicate the demon. I'll be green next time.
So, the one year birthday has passed and the barf too seems to have passed. I'm hoping for a calm few weeks just to recover before Neil's 3rd birthday party. Let's hope that we don't have anything in store for us on that one.
As we recovered from the excitement, family returned to their respective homes and friends returned to their lives, a little virus was lurking. During the party preparation, we made a few jokes about how we hoped that the twins wouldn't get sick during their first birthday party like poor Neil did on his. Perhaps it should have been a clue at Neil's party that he wasn't feeling well when he refused to eat the cake I had baked for him. (It had nothing to do with my cooking, of course.) After having enjoyed the majority of the party, the secret virus revealed itself as Neil hurled what food he had eaten that afternoon. At the twins' party, the contrast with Neil's was evident as both boys eagerly, and messily, gobbled up their birthday cake. (It had nothing to do with the fact that Chris made their cake.)
At last! We got to celebrate a first birthday party without barfing!
Little did we know though about the secret virus. Perhaps it was laughing at us as it spread throughout our family, waiting until our guard was down, before it revealed itself. It first showed up the night before my husband's parents returned home. My father-in-law became ill but we thought it was due to his normally healthy diet being disrupted by our less than nutritious fare. But then, Dylan threw up. We hoped it was a coincidence and that maybe it was due to the fact that we had just started introducing milk to his diet. But then, Evan threw up. Then Neil threw up. Then I threw up and then Chris threw up.
Barf was everywhere.
Everywhere.
We scrambled for towels, sheets, bed spreads, diapers, anything that would catch, wipe up or remove the barf. It would be cruel of me to provide details that no one would ever want to hear so I'll just allude to how disgusting it was - I saw semi-processed food that I never want to eat again as long as I live.
The washer and dryer ran all night as we barfed and cleaned and barfed and cleaned. It started on Wednesday. Today is Sunday and Chris is the last of us to be recovering from it. So desperate to prevent a relapse of this insipid and evil virus, I stooped to buying Lysol instead of making my own green concoction (which had been my goal for the next time I bought cleaning solution). Screw that! I want chemicals, I want the equivalent of a virus-killing nuclear bomb to go off in this house to eradicate the demon. I'll be green next time.
So, the one year birthday has passed and the barf too seems to have passed. I'm hoping for a calm few weeks just to recover before Neil's 3rd birthday party. Let's hope that we don't have anything in store for us on that one.
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