Going the distance

Certain events in my life have motivated me to explore the concept of distance. On the surface, the term "distance" seems pretty concrete and graspable when defined as a separation of two points - when it is defined in terms of physicality. Distance is harder to comprehend when it is defined in terms of feelings such as emotional separation and remoteness. We can measure physical distance with tools but emotional distance is not quantifiable. It's personal and subjective.

What I find most difficult to untangle is how the concept of physical distance can impact emotional distance - how we each make choices regarding how we allow physical distance to impact emotional distance and connectedness. Is it necessary that individuals be near each other in order to remain emotionally connected? I think that question has to be made by each person and is often made differently. I, for one, feel that physical proximity is not integral to a close and loving relationship. As the saying goes, "distance makes the heart grow fonder".

In my life, I have had many instances where I made a conscious choice to remain connected or to disconnect from another when they were leaving. This morning, I received a phone call from one such friend, my dearest friend, who now lives on the other side of the world - in Switzerland. She is the closest thing to a sister that I have but, if I had made different choices, she could have just been another person that I used to know. I have never, nor will I ever, regret that choice. My life is richest with her in it. It would have been a great personal loss if I had let her slip through my fingers.

I often wonder what our relationship would have been like and would be like now if she and I lived in the same city as we once did. Would we be closer? How much fun we would have! Would I love her more? Perhaps but I doubt it. Our connection is so deep that the miles between us seem immaterial. I wish we could get together with her and watch our children grow up alongside each other. I wish she and I could grow old together - to sit on a front porch sipping ice tea in our old age but I accept that that won't be the case. She has her own life there as I have my life here. We remain committed to each other, and I wouldn't trade our relationship for the world.

My perspective isn't held by everyone though. I know others who feel that proximity is necessary for a close relationship. I don't discount the fact that it is harder when you can't always go and be with someone you love but there are ways to be connected regardless of proximity. It may not be ideal but love really has no boundaries and is not measurable by inches and miles - not unless we choose to define it so.

Unlike physical distance which can be easily defined and understood by many, emotional distance is in the control of each individual. It is a conscious choice that can have far reaching implications. It is much harder to overcome emotional distance than it is to overcome the physical. I can get on a plane or drive a car but I can't open a heart that has closed itself off. I can't go the distance alone. I hope I don't have to.