Friday, January 18, 2008

Out of this world

She was unassuming and rare indeed. A tall yet tiny, little lady who flinched at compliments because, surely, you really didn't think she was all that. One might call her meek unless you'd witnessed her fierce protection of animals or preservation of nature. I was surprised by the strength of the loss I felt by losing such a soft and gentle person. She was my grandma and she died last week.

I knew her better than I realized yet I know there was a lot I never knew. In her absence, her historic home echoed with the hollowness of my footsteps as they fell on the hardwood floors. Her quiet voice and gentle nature was in my heart whispering and I wanted to reach out and hug her just one more time. At least I was able to say good-bye to her a few days before she died but it was hard to believe then that I was never going to see her alive again.

Although she was quiet and humble and not one to call attention to herself, we all couldn't help but look for a sign from her. Loud bumps on the floor, huge flocks of birds gathered in her trees being much quieter than usual, and even a UFO sighting that made national news were all hopeful signs that she was still with us. She did mention seeing green men before she died, they say. Would be a good story to tell her great grandchildren some day - just to add some color to their history.

As much as I'd like to say that I've seen a sign, there isn't anything that could replace her presence in our lives, her vitality that was uniquely hers. I can't help but laugh at what she'd think of us speculating about the significance of a huge UFO sighting in her small, largely unknown town the week that she died. She'd smile shyly and humbly and probably mumble some rejection of such a silly notion.

Whether the UFOs, the birds or her spirit is acknowledging her continued existence in some realm or other, I can't say for sure. I can say that she would enjoy listening to us speculate about it since listening to us ramble on about this, that or the other was one of her favorite things to do. Quietly among us, she loved us and I hope she continues to do so.

1 comment:

Jen said...

I'm very sorry. I really dread losing my Gma, and I understand looking for signs.