My body and I have been through a lot together. We went through the usual things like birth, colds, puberty, pregnancy and multiple childbirths. What once was supple and young, my body has become more worn and stretched - no longer smooth and unblemished. Scars have appeared, moles darkened, weird red dots punctuate parts of my skin. I don't recognize myself at times yet I also have a hard time comprehending that I'm 34 years old and I'm not as sexy as I used to be. Damn!
My poor body has put up with me. I gave it shots in its stomach and intoxicated it with hormones. I forced it to mature a ridiculous amount of eggs and had my body cut in order to remove these potential vessels of life. I put embryos in my womb who sometimes stayed and sometimes didn't. I made my body pregnant with 1 then later 2 babies - pushing my body beyond its natural tendencies.
It's not like my body just sat there and took it though. It made sure I knew that shots hurt, my ovaries didn't like being ridiculously large, that my mood was sure as hell not going to be pleasant thanks to the PMS cocktail of hormones and to get me back my body gave me lots of stretch marks, a belly whose muscles won't strengthen and now a fallopian tube that is inflated like a balloon in order to remind me that I messed with it and I am now to pay.
How should I make peace with my body? I guess I should accept my body for how she has changed and be thankful that she made it as well as she did. I will let my body enjoy holding the beautiful babies she nurtured and protected - I'll breathe in their scent - the one that only a mama can smell and enjoy. I will have my tube repaired surgically although my body may not like that but, once that is done, maybe she'll forgive me and understand that I appreciate her and all that she's done. I'll quit asking her to be the young body she used to be and learn to see that she earned the scars and stretch marks triumphantly and gallantly as she endured tremendous strain and challenges. She deserves that and so do I. Thank you, body, for my babies, for the love which pours through my veins each time my babies smile at me.
No comments:
Post a Comment