Embracing motherhood

Every cell of my body is baptized in motherly fluids. Embryonic, breast milk, tears, blood, sweat. Then later, formula, spit up, and urine. I've been expanded, divided, engorged, disgorged, stretched and emptied, kissed and kicked. Still, I'm stronger now and, as much as I feel like I've spent every ounce of energy, I somehow have the endurance to keep going. I didn't know how much of a fighter I was until I actually had to fight. The early years with this many young children is reminiscent of being in the trenches. Of course, these boys aren't my enemy but they sure can act like drill sergeants at times.

Becoming a mom awakens ones senses. I feel the wildness in me when my wolf-like senses reveal a quietly crying baby on the other side of the house, my sense of smell tunes into a smelly diaper that no one else smells, or the 6th sense of "something isn't quite right". It took me a while to tap into this instinct but now I can't shut it off. I don't want to though. It's invigorating. My body is doing what it is meant to do and I'm embracing that.

Of course, smelling a dirty diaper is less than pleasant. Smelling, or rather, inhaling the beautiful scent of my babies is unimaginably sublime. Feeling the sensation of stepping on half-chewed food is disgusting but feeling my oldest's little fingers trying to tickle my foot is amusing and fun. Holding my babies feels so good. If only I could hold them all at the same time. One of my favorite times with my boys is when I lay on the floor and they all jump, crawl and attack me. Like a dog with her puppies, they slobber all over me and step in places they shouldn't but I love it and I close my eyes and listen to their squeals and laughter and my innate motherly self feels immersed in beauty. I give myself over to them and I couldn't be happier