Gasping for air

I watch the clock like I used to when I worked for pay. I eagerly await 5:40 which is when my husband typically comes home. Although it will still be bedlam until 7:30 or so, it is reassuring to know that I share this, uh, fun with someone else.

I still have to take a moment to reflect on how ridiculous my days can be. Today, it involved nice things like three boys playing with trains, running around in or near the sprinkler, silly giggles and tickles but it also included poop diapers removed in the crib (hence, poop on the sheets, blankets, child), pee on the carpet, getting Dylan down from the bay window above the couch, and, later, performing the Heimlich on him due to a jelly bean. (The jelly bean was meant as a treat for all 3 boys for playing so well together. As is so typical around here, a well intentioned idea turned into an unexpectedly crummy situation.) Thankfully, the jelly bean left his throat and his color changed back to normal after approaching a frighteningly purple color. Thanking my lucky stars for having taken the CPR coarse at the NICU, I headed off to make dinner, dumped out another potty full of pee, and consoled another crying babe.

Before I had kids, most days I stayed in the same basic mood for most of the day. With the exception of stressful times, such as being tailgated by an angry driver or a bad project at work, I was usually in a relatively content mood. These days, my moods change from bliss, despair, stress, panic, contentment, pleasant to bafflement at an unpredictable, seemingly crack-inspired, frantic pace. The days that I find myself feeling completely, utterly, and miserably incompetent, it's because I AM. Who wouldn't be? Perhaps if I were a robot I could get through the day, going through the motions, without succumbing to the mind-rippingly, emotional tornado that blasts through here as soon as my precious babies open their beautiful, little eyes.

It's taken me well over an hour to write this much. Since I started, I've dumped more pee from the potty, fed three kids, made bottles for two, rewarded my oldest for using the potty and jumped up and down in frustration as I tried to finish my post while being yelled at for something as simple (and annoying) as, "Mom, can you skip this song?"

And to end the post with more bliss, I managed to make my husband mad for immediately handing over a whining baby before he was able to eat and, mostly, for not being very nice about it when I did. He'll understand later after the babes shut up enough for me to explain why today was yet another fun-filled day in child-rearing bliss.